And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
