Farmville is her only friend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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