My underwear smells like fireworks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
