she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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