so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
