didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
