i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
