I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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