yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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