I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
