Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
