I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
