Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
