Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
