In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
is it fun? or sober?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
