I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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