I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
