Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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