I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I AM VODKA MAN
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
