he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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