What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
