in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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