my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize