Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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