my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you had me at cake vodka
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
