hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
