It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
