How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sext me about skeletons
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
