I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
