Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
