I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
