so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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