We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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