She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
