im about as happy as oj after his trial
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
