What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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