if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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