Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
