who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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