Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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