You work out of a Hotel?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
