I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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