He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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