And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm like, not good at living.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
