White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
