babies were throwing up all over the place
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This toilet bowl is my home.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
