its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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