Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
