you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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