my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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