I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
high people should be assigned attendants
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
