im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
