people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
