I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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