"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
