Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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