he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
