I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
