how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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