she looked like the bat from fern gully.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize